Sunday, August 13, 2017

Determined or Defeated?


After a challenging week, I had to really ground myself. I really suck at failure...how does that sound lol? I'm sure many people feel the same way! I am pretty good about it at first...I'm the "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again" type. But three very time-consuming attempts to make Mozzarella that failed, nearly got the better of me. 

Sometimes I feel, generally speaking, as though I try and try and I can never get ahead. But then I take a look at what I have around me, how I have designed my lifestyle and I realize that I have much more determination that I think I do. Life hasn't been easy, but so be it, you just deal with it the best you can. Doesn't mean you can't have your own pity party now and then - I CERTAINLY did for a few days!! I was cursing the whole cheese making process!! 😱  I even got to the point where I said "no more". After a few days, sense came back to me, the feelings of failure faded a little, and my resolve increased. 

I used to just give up when I got to that point, but it never served me well. Of course, there are things that you must decide to give up when they are simply impossible; but the key, for me, is to focus on my creativity and my strengths. Every failure is a learning lesson, and once my feelings aren't so fragile, I realize that and either move on or keep trying!

10 comments:

MrsDuncanMahogany said...

Well said. These days I mostly just give up. I find that if my hearts just not in it then forget it. Gone are the days of persevering for me. Maybe I need to get that back?

Rain said...

I think once you are not working anymore, it'll take a while to truly relax, it took me a good few years, but then I had terrible anxiety and other stuff going on...then I was able to really focus and spend time and have more of that feeling of perseverance. Work, whether we like it or not, really becomes a habit and when it's not there anymore, sometimes we can't figure out what to do with ourselves! That happened to me. That's the time to try new things, and re-find yourself! I hope it's sooner than later for you! :)

Blogoratti said...

Those are really wonderful thoughts and very insightful. Most times it is so easy to give up, to not get up after falling, but failure is only a stepping stone to success -if harnessed well. Nice of you to share, and greetings!

Fundy Blue said...

I found your comment to Mrs. DM quite profound. I'm five years into retirement and still struggling with feeling guilty about relaxing ~ which I've always found difficult. During my first marriage to a quadriplegic, I realized how important work is. A person needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Over the decades I've refined my realization to how important a "purpose" is. I'm convinced that the key to a successful retirement is having a purpose, a purpose that is a passion. In the few posts I've read of yours, Rain, it seems like you have a number of passionate purposes! Good luck with the mozzarella! If you decide to let go, you can always tell yourself that you gave it a good do!

Rain said...

Hi Blogoratti :)) Thanks for your comment! :) Honestly, until just a few years ago, I was still recovering from burnout and my emotions were so fragile. I don't think I would have had it in me to not give up, it's such a mental game at times. That's what I always try to remember. It's not that I'm dumb or unskilled or untalented...I just need to find the emotional will to risk trying again!

Rain said...

Oh Fundy Blue, your comment is so sweet, thank you. Very touching! I know exactly that guilt you're talking about...it's such a silly emotion when you think of it, why do we feel guilty if we want to relax and enjoy something OTHER than work??? It makes no sense to me, but I went through it for a long time. I was forced into retirement, if you can call it that, at age 35. The burnout was really severe and during the first 10 years or so of recovery, I was almost resentful that I "couldn't" work anymore. A lot of it had to do with other people's attitudes though. Because I was awarded life-time disability for my injuries, long story but the employers admitted to many things over email and were caught..., anyway, because of the life time indemnities, my (former) friends used to say really derogatory things like "You won the lottery" and "vacation for life" and "lucky you, you don't have to work anymore"...it really played with my head and those comments made me feel like I was using the system or something...

When I finally accepted that I deserved my income because that job messed me up for life, THEN I was able to start to relax and find my passions. But until I had that acceptance, it wasn't happening. Sorry for the novel lol! :)

Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

It's okay to throw that pity party now and again. We all need to release whatever stress and frustration is plaguing us. Sometimes I throw in the towel if I feel I'm getting nowhere, only to return after a few days when I'm feeling refreshed to start all over again. Getting rid of negative energy is oftentimes exactly what we need to get right back up.

Rain said...

Hi Martha :) I really think a lot of it has to do with negative energy. Nobody's perfect and we all kind of fall into the trap of negativity when something we do fails or doesn't go our way. I know I have. But recently, I have my pity party QUICK and move on again because I have a tendency to let it go a long time if I don't pick myself up fast.

Pam Jackson said...

I think you are strong then you give yourself credit for. There is nothing wrong with a Pity Party now and again....I give myself time for that but I limit it to one day....one day only then I haul my rear up and get over it.

Rain said...

Thanks Pam :) I do have my pity parties, and I think they are needed. I'm the type who is prone to shoving down negative emotions and they always pop up as panic attacks at any given time, so I need to work through the emotions, but as you say, one day only! Otherwise it starts to feel too comfortable!