Monday, December 31, 2018

New Year Light Bulb Moment

Hello my friends!

I hope you have a nice evening tonight if you're ringing in the new year. Alex and I will be spending a quiet night at home, having a Raclette dinner and some cocktails with homemade sugar pie at midnight. We are such homebodies, which is funny because we both used to be such social butterflies. We both worked as bartenders and had lots of friends in our 20's. Now we would just prefer to spend our lives away from society, with each other and the pets!

So...on to my light bulb moment - just in time for the new year! :)

It's about my shadow self. Carl Jung defined the shadow self as the "hidden or unknown dark side of the personality." After reading his definition, I certainly didn't want to uncover my shadow self! I started to do some work in the fall, but got scared and forgot about it.

But lately I've been doing more reading and this is a different definition that motivated me to do more deep thinking. I found it after typing into Google "What is the shadow self?":

The shadow self is at first an unconscious side. It is only through effort to become self-aware that we recognize our shadow.

Although many infer the shadow is ‘negative’, this is not really true. The Shadow is rather what you yourself perceive as dark and weak about yourself, and therefore needing to be hidden and denied. But this depends on your own perspective on life, and your levels of self-esteem.

So while for one person their shadow might just contain such classic elements as sadness, rage, laziness, and cruelty, you might also hide your personal power, your independence, or your emotional sensitivity.

The above definition explains things more clearly for me. I've been spending lots of time in the woods lately walking with Charlie. Being in the woods is like therapy for me, I can kind of think out loud, consider lots of ideas and options and talk to Mother Nature and nobody bothers me! :) I guess it's my version of prayer.

I had my epiphany moment this morning walking home from the woods. I realized quite suddenly what my shadow self was and why I was hiding it. I wish I could share it with you but it's so personal that I just can't! But trust me, it's not the "classic elements" mentioned above like rage, cruelty or laziness!!

The realization of my shadow self abruptly boosted my self-confidence through the roof. I have never felt as happy as I do in this moment! What I thought I wanted out of life for so many mind just debunked. Now I realize that what I truly want out of life isn't something to be hidden or ashamed of. It's something to celebrate and put into action.

Without being too cryptic, I'll try to explain. I thought I wanted a certain lifestyle; and when I am truly honest with myself - I don't want that certain lifestyle. I want something almost completely different. The way I was finally able to see this hidden self was through a very simple exercise. 


Every day for the last week, I've set some time aside to day dream, just to see where my thoughts would go. I would ask myself "how do I want to live the rest of my life?" and "how do I want my relationship to go forward?" etc...Well, the daydream I had this morning was so poignant. It was the exact opposite of what I'd been THINKING I wanted for the last decade or so. I think that my perception on how a woman in her 50's should be living was just skewed. I'm not going to beat myself up, just to say that my life experience has put a damper on a lifestyle I've been wanting to live since I was a teenager.

This epiphany moment is something that will definitely strengthen my independence, personal power, self-esteem, happiness and my relationship with Alex. My plans to homestead are still there and even stronger now. 

It's just unbelievable to me how one moment the light bulb was just turned on and I feel so enlightened. And interestingly enough...I knew all of this about myself for many years and somehow, some just fell back into the shadow.

Does this make any sense to anyone? :)


wisps of words said...

Wisps of Words was here....

You are beautiful..

Happy for you, your discovery.

Happy New Year!!!

baili said...

This is very powerful and enlightening post dear Rain!!!

I am so happy that you discovered more of your own self :)

Such moments instantly open our eyes and we start thinking out of the box.

I believe you will definitely will achieve your goals by the grace of God soon in future!

Wishing you a happy beautiful peaceful and prosperous year ahead my friend!!!

Magic Love Crow said...

It makes sense to me and I'm doing a happy dance for you! Big Hugs!

The Happy Whisk said...

I'm happy that you love the woods/forest so much. I do as well. I love being outside. It's just the best. Here's to you and finding what you need to grow, move on and keep on going. You rock, Rain. Happy 2019 with a great big side of boogie boogie.

Guillaume said...

When I saw the picture, I immediately thought of Carl Jung's archetype. And Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon.

Nicole Thomas said...

Love this so much !!! And the picture ❤❤❤

Share my Garden said...

Dear Rain, first of all, what a beautiful photo of Charlie and you, you both look so clear-eyed and positive.
Secondly, how great that you have discovered how you want to move forward in life. Some people don't listen to themselves and then wonder how they have ended up as they have. I wish you every success in realising your plans.

Fundy Blue said...

Hi, Rain! I'm glad that you have had a revelation about how you truly want to live your future years. It's important to be true to yourself. Terry and I are trying to figure out what we want to do in the future. It's difficult to contemplate being elderly and perhaps unable to do as we have in the past. I've spend a lot of time plumbing my dark side of the moon over the past few years. It's now much less dark and painful. Wishing you all the best in this new year!

Pam Jackson said...

Yes, it makes sense. Now, what will you do to change that and is Alex on board? Right now, my life is in total conflict about where I am, where I need to be and what I need to do next but...that is understandable. But so not a place I wanted to be for several reasons, but one being cause I worked so very hard to not have this sort of feeling in my life. Confusion.....I hate it.

Evi Erlinda - Brain Plasticity said...

glad to hear about your discoveries.
you look beautiful with your cute dog.
greeting- evi erlinda

Fundy Blue said...

Louise's thoughts are directed your way ~ I hope that you are doing well. Sending you a big hug!