Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Halloween: The Haunted House

Happy Halloween!
Blessed Samhain!
Merry All Hallow's Eve!

Today is a day of fun for me! I've been decorating all morning, lighting candles in the pumpkins and planning our fun menu.

It's also a very thought-provoking and spiritual day for me. I don't follow any particular spirituality, but I do honour my Celtic roots and my ancestors, I live by the seasons and feel very in touch with the earth around me. Samhain/Halloween marks the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter - which is a new year in my world! 

I still celebrate the calendar new year for fun, but tonight really does end that seasonal year for me. My ancestors lived off the land for their existence and celebrated a year of hard work and preparation on this eve with bonfires, harvest dinners, honouring those who have passed on, divination and spending time thinking about what to leave behind and what to welcome in the new year. This is also a time to welcome the coming of winter, which is a season for rest, contemplation and planning.

I also take some time to do some self-improvement by thinking about my life and the path I'm taking. This is a good Tarot spread to do or just to read to provoke some good thoughts for positive change. I am also thinking a LOT about my two pugs who passed away in 2011 and 2014.

Winston and Spencer, the loves of my life! :)

I got these two in 1995. Winston stayed with me until he was 16 years old and Spencer until he was 19 years old. Winston was the tough guy of the family...always trying to be in charge! Spencer was a meek little fella, losing one eye at 2 years old and eventually going blind and deaf when he was 10 years old. These two were my wonderful companions and I still miss them terribly, they will never be forgotten!

Monday, October 23, 2017

Insight Into Dreams

Do you dream? Well, we all do, I guess the better question is do you remember your dreams? If so, do you analyze them? I think we only tend to analyze the bad dreams. I know that if I have a positive, happy dream, I feel no need to analyze it!

But it's those nightmares that disturb me. Since I was eight years old, I have had the same recurring nightmare: 

It's late at night and I'm walking alone on a country road in silence. I pass by a rickety old house with a large porch and a picket fence around it. I feel uncontrollably drawn to the house, so I open the gate, it creeks of course!...then I walk up the stairs and I am facing the screen door - it's so dark I can't see in. Suddenly I see a pair of eyes staring down at me. I squint my eyes to focus and I see a man looking at me with the whites of his eyes. He is a priest, he is blind and he means me harm.

In terror, I turn away and run down the stairs, open the gate and run down the road. The blind priest is right behind me, jumping down the stairs and over the gate. He is wearing a big black hat and a ripped black robe. He sees me though he's blind, I can't run fast enough, I feel his long finger nails scratching at my back, breaking my skin as I run for my life. The road ahead of me is dark and it never seems to end. I can feel my breath leaving me.

Then I wake up, sweating and terrified and sometimes screaming. I had this nightmare almost nightly until my early twenties. It went away for about 9 years when I was on anti-depressants and tranquilizers for the panic attacks...well, I would say no surprise there...those pharmaceuticals really turned me into a zombie. Only a few months after I stopped all the meds, the nightmare came back.  I would say I roughly have this nightmare at least twice a month if not more often.

I've done analysis (both self and professional) and I know what it's supposed to mean. It explains most of the realities that I lived through in my childhood...I was supposed to have dealt with all of that in therapy, so why does it not go away? And what on earth triggers that blind priest to keep terrifying me during my sleep?

Do you have recurring nightmares? Or better yet, recurring nice dreams? If one night I wake up remembering that me and the priest were laughing and enjoying a picnic together I think I might go nuts finally lol...but it would be nice to have some kind of closure and never have that nightmare ever again! If you're interested, here are two interesting dream-analysis sites:

They are basic with "user-friendly" Freudian analyses, but they really make you think a little further about what your dreams could mean!

Friday, October 13, 2017

Friday the 13th: Fear

October has to be my favourite month of the year, mainly because of Halloween! I also love the weather, and we are lucky enough to have a Friday the 13th as well! Are you superstitious? Do you see this day as something to dread? I actually worked with a young girl who called in sick every Friday the 13th because she honestly felt something bad would happen to her.

I am superstitious in certain ways, but I don't believe that today is unlucky. In fact, so far I'm having a great day. It's not a bad time of the year to face your fears though. I do unfortunately suffer debilitating anxiety and panic attacks. I've done years of therapy, did the medication thing, tried the natural remedies and healthy lifestyle...nothing seems to cure it.

I had a really bad attack last night, why? Your guess is as good as mine, but it lasted way too long for my liking. No matter what I do, I just cannot pinpoint what is causing this. How I currently deal with it is as much prevention as possible. But when it does rear its ugly head, I'm glad that Alex helps me. He reminds me to do my yoga breathing, it's called Alternate Nostril Breathing (which really helps, follow the link if you need to relax!). He also quickly looks on YouTube for something silly to watch to help me laugh. Last night, he loaded up a bunch of "Jiminy Glick" episodes. If you're never heard of this, it's Martin Short in a huge fat suit interviewing people very inappropriately - really funny stuff.

These two things (yoga breathing and laughing) seem to be the only temporary cures for panic. I'm still working on more prevention though. I think it'll be something I have to live with my entire life, which brings on its own fear. Bad cycle and ironically my biggest fear causes it. Ugh!!!

Monday, October 9, 2017

Our Traditions

My life has been a bit of chaos the last few weeks. Slowly but surely we are adjusting to the addition of two new dogs. I have to admit though...my anger took some time to fade. For anyone who doesn't know the story, a friend of ours basically dumped his dogs on us by asking us to babysit a few weeks while he went to Europe for his father's funeral; then emailed us saying he will likely not be back.

But one thing I REFUSE to do is to EVER let anyone ruin my positive outlook on life. Initially yes, I lost even more faith in people; but that also fades as the shock of the situation gets real. My biggest motto is that I can't change others, but I CAN change me.

So with that in mind, I didn't change my Thanksgiving plans whatsoever! Yes, it's a challenge to create a nice holiday ambiance and cook a turkey dinner with five dogs milling around me! Not to mention sneaky cats trying to get at the food while I'm busy shoo-ing the dogs away lol...No matter what Alex does to coax the pets to stay with him in his office, they always end up back in the kitchen...who can blame them? :) Instead of letting our (former?) friend's bad behaviour affect me, I'm thinking how thankful I am that we have two new additions to the fur family and that they have us to take care of them. 

I haven't had good memories of holidays ever, they were always fraught with anger, stress and fear. I actually denounced all holidays for most of my adult life due to those experiences growing up. I even used to tell people my birthday was February 29th so it wouldn't come up every year lol!

But since being with Alex, I've started to develop my own traditions and I'm really loving them. We'll have the full turkey dinner, everything made from scratch with all the fixin's!!! This creates new memories for me, and the old ones fade away with each year that we enjoy the holidays.

There are handfuls of traditions out there, but since today is Thanksgiving, this is what I'm focusing on! Happy Thanksgiving to all of my Canadian friends and I hope you have everything to be thankful for this year! :)

Do you have a Thanksgiving tradition that you hold dear? :)