Tuesday, November 13, 2018

What Do You Want?

Is there something that you've always wanted to do but you haven't for one reason or another? Is there a way of life you want to live, but for some reason, you've chosen not to?

I've always wanted to travel across Canada in an RV. Not a big expensive RV, but I thought about buying a beat up van and restoring it into a wee little living space for myself and whichever dog(s) was with me at that time.

I really was THIS close in the spring of 2010!! But my older pug Winston developed very severe dementia and I couldn't put him through that constant change. So I decided to shelve that dream for a few years. In 2013, when I found my relationship, the dream got lost in the shuffle as I changed my life.

What about you? Is there a reason why you are not fulfilling a dream you've always had? Is it lack of money? Lack of motivation? Lack of skills? Is something stopping you from being YOURSELF?

Is it lack of support from someone you love; or is it that someone seems to be holding you back? Are you holding yourself back?

Deep thoughts! :)

Since I was very young, I never related to the Catholic upbringing in my family. Mainly because the way they practiced it was based on anger and fear. I was going to hell every day for some reason or another.

I remember at the age of fourteen, walking by a Buddhist temple in China Town, in Old Montreal. I was intrigued by the outside of the building. I just sat out there for a while as I saw people coming and going. I braved getting a little closer and even walking in. There was a meditation in progress and a light bulb went on over my head! There WERE other options!

During my teenage years, I secretly researched every type of religion and spirituality that my local library had books about. These were pre-internet days! Later on, I even took a few courses on World Religion at Concordia University in Montreal. Paganism always appealed to me because I was so nature-based in my thinking, even at a young age.

I was confused for too many years and at some point, decided I didn't believe in anything. But then when the internet became readily available, I learned how to use it and started to research more about Paganism, especially Kitchen Witchery and Cottage Witchery.

Everything made so much sense to me. All of the spirituality revolved around Nature and the Universe, the garden and the harvest. I did more research about all Nature-based religions and spirituality. I looked up ideas about Celtic Paganism and my ancestry. I felt really at home with these concepts and they made me feel safe and whole. I had faith for the first time in my life!

It took me a long time to "come out of the broom closet" so to speak - to admit publicly that I have different spiritual beliefs than a lot of people do. When I mentioned my spirituality to my family one day back in the 1990's...I was so ridiculed that I hid myself for another 20 years. I think this is one of the reasons why I didn't want to share my life with anyone, I was afraid I'd be made fun of just for being me.

Even in my relationship now, it took me years to talk openly about Paganism and my beliefs and spirituality. And despite the fact that I'm totally comfortable being myself - I always have a little bit of trepidation that maybe I'll still be made fun of.

We all have our soft spots. I know I'm very emotionally fragile. I will never have a "thick skin". When you've experienced humiliation from people who are supposed to love you, it's not easy to shake off. But I do believe in myself, I do know that what makes me happy is right for me.

I try to live MY best life now; and not let anything or anyone stand in the way of my spiritual lifestyle because I do cherish it very much. We only live once on this Earth, let's make the best of it.

My other blogs:

Rain's Garden 
Latest Post: Painting and Pesto

Rainy Day Cheese Making 
Latest Post:  Wrapping The Cams


wisps of words said...

Deep thoughts....

Beautiful photography.....

I'm wondering... Do you still want to travel across your country? Or are you perfectly content, with making your present dream, come true?

At this point in my life, I'm happy to not have dreams. :-) I am happy, to not be regretting something, not done. My focus is more pointed.

My only goal and wish, is the health of both myself and my husband. And my only "work," is being here, for him. As he is here, for me.

Being in one's 80's, clarifies things! :-) But those of you, who are still younger... Pondering your dreams, makes sense.

Oh I'm not saying that neither of us, don't pursue, what is fun for us. I have my computer, reading, etc. And he has his wood working in his work shop. Plus his "beloved" cross word puzzles, and reading, and etc. We have not given up fun, in pursuit of caring about/for, each other. ,-)))))


wisps of words said...

The Catholic Religion ceased to "work" for me, even before I gave myself 'permission,' to question it (in the year 2000). And then I spent years, questioning and seeking.

I don't really have any sort of Faith.

I do not feel I can know, for sure, if there was a Creator or not. But if there was, this Creator is not bothering with we little bits of humanity, on this teeny, tiny planet, whirling around in the huge, huge, vast Universe. Not giving us Sets Of Rules and etc.

I feel it is wise, to pay attention to the changing seasons, and try to live more in tune with nature. Not because I see any God(ess) in nature, but because this earth is our home. If I don't trash my home structure, why would I trash my earthly home?

I am not as grounded as you are. And that's ok. I just know that my life changed for the better, when I was able to shuffle off the old shirt-of-religion. :-)

Very thought provoking post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And there are so, so, so few of these, in blog land!!! Thank you!!!!!!


Nicole said...

Tons and tons of things I always wanted to do. And all those reasons that u pointed out are true for one or the other. On the other hand I did A LOT of things that I always wanted to do already and just because something is holding me back right now, doesn't mean that those other things are off the list ;)
I grew up in a christian household , I was babstised etc etc ... but religion was never " practiced " actually it was my parents who introduced me to natures religion, maybe without even knowing it. Planting, harvesting, gardening and the seasons were always a big part of our daily life.
When I was a teenager and found my love for berbs and their medicinal use I started to dig deeper into the spiritual meaning that nature has for me. Like u said too, it just all made and makes so much sense to me and comes so naturally. I can notice in my kids the same thing. It comes natural to them to respect nature, to celebrate the seasons and to believe in magic.
It makes no sense to them at all when someone tells them stories from the bible. One of my wishes is that they will hold that little magic in their hearts forever :)

Pam said...

Me....well there have always been passing things that popped into my head thinking I would love to do this or that. When I was younger of course I wanted to hang glide, jump from a plane, and drive a semi truck....not to mention milk a cow! haha....but I got married. Money was little and I was raising a husband ...haha...and then a daughter. Then 6.5 yrs later my son. I was way to busy being a working mom to enjoy or do much of anything unless it was centered around my kids. However as my kids left home and I finally retired (with way too many years between those two), I wanted to travel, esp the New England states. Money and pain has seemed to put a stop to those things. So, sometimes those things have to be put aside. Now...next subject. I was raises Baptist or should I say born under that title. We were never church going folks, I was not raised in the church. I later ventured off to see what the fuss was about and I bounced from one church to another. I have even tried a service at an Egyptain church. I like you have always been drawn to the Pegan ways. Witches have just always be a draw to me. I however just knew that witches were pulling me, I never thought of it as a sort of relgion until about six months ago. I want to do cards, ruins, study and read but I find that with the fibro my concentration does not go far. No being able to grasp new things is part of why I retired. I was having issues on the job...and that is not me, I have always picked up on things so easy. I was told recently that I am a Lightworker. So I did some reading on that. Other then that, not sure where I fall into it all or if I will have the HUMP to learn. I do believe in God, just not sure where he plays a part in the world today. Hoping that I have not offended anyone today with all this stuff......anyway...we are sisters in this.

Mama Pea said...

My husband and I are both very home oriented and that's probably why we've lived the homesteading type life for all of our married years. My one regret is that we didn't take off for a couple of years right after we were married and travel to see a bit of our country and experience getting to know people who lived in places other than our own. Getting into homesteading almost from the word go "tied us down" but that was our choice and it's been a good life for us for more reasons than I want to list. Now at our age, we could find a way to leave the homestead for a period and do that traveling but honestly I wouldn't feel safe doing so during this time in our society.

As for what I think of your beliefs and personal way of being in life, Rain . . . You. Are. So. Wise.

Lisa said...

I love reading about your ideas on spirituality and nature. Kitchen and Cottage witchery are right up your alley with your cooking skills :)

Martha said...

I'm glad you have found the right journey for you and feel more confident about sharing it. I grew up in a conservative, Christian home and by the time I was 12, I began to withdraw because it just didn't work for me. I have defined my own personal journey after many years of research and determination. It's not easy to stray from the group but I find that sometimes it's absolutely vital to one's own pursuit in happiness.

wyomingheart said...

Great post, Rain.
I was raised Catholic, but through the years of traveling making music, and seeing the different parts of our nation, I have come to realize that I am definitely a Christian Catholic!... Lol... It's really hard for me to look at the beauty that has surrounded me, and the ease with which nature captures me, and not believe that those moments are heavenly... I am very happy you spoke your truth and that you shared with us all😉 !

Fundy Blue said...

Hi, Rain! Your post is thought provoking, and I enjoyed reading the comments it inspired. Your desire to travel across Canada reminded me of Terry Fox's van that accompanied him as he walked across halfway across Canada. The Royal B.C. Museum in Victoria had a heart-wrenching exhibit on him in the fall of 2017. Magnificent human beings like Terry Fox make me believe that there is something more than just living and dying. I'm an agnostic. I don't know who or what God is, but I am seeking. Many horrible things have been done in the name of one religion or another, so I'm critical of organized religion; in fact, I've been angry at "the church" for almost two decades. I seem to be moving out of that phase, in that I've come to see that any institution involving humans can have human failings because of the choices that humans make. I'm glad that you have found your spiritual path, Rain. My recent travels in Italy, seeing the amazing churches, monasteries, sculpture, and art, had a huge impact on me and reminded me that many, many humans throughout time have been inspired by the spiritual, by what may exist beyond what our senses can perceive. So I wonder and wander. All the best to you, my grounded friend!

Rain said...

Hi Wisps of Words :) Well, right now I still have a desire to travel across Canada, but I'm much more focused on having my own property. That's the biggest dream I've ever had and I'm so close to it! I'm willing to "shelf" the other dreams to achieve this one. I do hope one day that Alex and I can pull off a cross-country trip though, that would be so wonderful, but I'm very content right now following the dream of home ownership! :)

Thank you so much, I'm touched by your compliment. xx

I think that's one of my focuses as well, the health and happiness of myself, Alex and the fur kids. Home is really where I love to be and it's what's most important to me.

Rain said...

Hi Sis :) That's a great way of looking at things. That there are a LOT of things you have already done! I feel the same way. I try not to have any regrets because I wouldn't be so happy as I am today if I made different choices, so why regret them? I hope your kids hold on to that magic too. I feel as though I lost it for too many years and I'm so happy to have it back in my life again. Thanks for your comment, I hope you're still pursuing the dream of an herb garden!! :)

Rain said...

Hi Pam :) Oh I have yet to milk a cow!!! :))) Funny, raising a husband. hee hee! I don't think you've offended anyone! If people are offended by others' choice of spirituality, then they don't have to read or comment right? :) I think you should follow the path of the Lightworker, a little at a time, as much as your fibro will allow. I think that you'll feel so rewarded on that path, it's wonderful. The cards and Runes are a lot of fun too, and if you have a little book next to you that describes each meaning, it's not too much memory work. Thanks for your comment!!!

Rain said...

Hi Mama Pea :) Thank you :)) I think that Alex and I could be called "home oriented" too. In fact, maybe a little too much lol...as we rarely ever want to leave the house. When I think about traveling across Canada, I think of it nostalgically...but then reality hits and I remember how many people there are out there and how we are just not social creatures and I feel the draw of travel less and less. I think for us, we just want to see the land, the skies and the wildlife more than cities or meeting people. But I'm happy to be "tied down" here at home and in the future home I'll be even happier!! :)

Rain said...

Hi Lisa :) Thank you! I especially love the Kitchen Witchery, it's very fascinating to me. I feel like I put love into all of the meals and for me, that's part of the magic! :)

Rain said...

Hi Martha :) You're so right. Straying from the group isn't easy, and I think it has a lot to do with how others judge a person who does. That's just my opinion based on what I went through personally. Finding your own way is just wonderful! It's very true about it being vital for happiness. I was miserable when I didn't feel drawn to other faiths, it was like I was going through the motions. But now I'm really happy and feel like I've found my hope. It's a great feeling! :) Thanks for your comment!!

Rain said...

Hi Dino :) Thanks for your comment! :) We both see the beauty around us as heavenly and I love that. I'm glad you are happy with your faith :) I think it's so important to be drawn to a spiritual path and actually feel whole and comfortable with it. :)

Rain said...

Hi Louise :) Thank you :) I feel the same way about organized religion, certain sects, not all of them. In fact the Wicca religion is quite organized at the very core of it, which also had me turn my nose up a little bit. I don't like rules, I like to feel my faith and feel my spirituality. I guess I could be called an "ecclectic Pagan" because I kind of follow my own rules based on how I feel about Nature and the seasons. I have respect for all faiths, except those that promote hatred and violence. Those I have no time for and won't associate with anyone who has those beliefs. I can only imagine what Italy did for your spirituality and your thought process! I get very inspired by Nature. I think that's why I'm very drawn to moving to Nova Scotia, the Fundy Bay area (maybe on the NB side)...I've been there many times in the past, especially to "The Rocks" and I've felt this deep connection with that area. It was very spiritual for me, so I can relate to what you described you felt in Italy. Keep wandering and wondering!!! :)

Nicole said...

Oh yes. The herb garden is on top of my wish list :) I will get there ... it will get here ... one day :)

Rain said...

I know you will Sis...one thing at a time!!! :)

baili said...

You are truly an INSPIRATION dear Rain!

Yes either I always wanted to travel this whole globe as it seems worth watching at least once before leaving this life!

I still have this dream with faith that God will fulfil it somehow one day

I don't believe in religions .But since my childhood I found myself CONNECTED TO SOMETHING VERY POWERFUL!

Which always speak out at right time for my rights.

I deeply loved this post and feel lucky to have you as my friend here because you have enlightening soul and uplifting thoughts!

Rain said...

Thank you Baili :)) I love how outspoken you are, keep it up! :) And I know you have tremendous faith. I find that once we find our faith, life gets so much better. Hope is a great thing! :) And I do hope that one day you can travel a little bit more, see the world. I figure, even if I don't, that'll be okay because I am living the life I want! :)