Wednesday, July 24, 2019

What Do You Need Vs. What Do You Want

Hello Friends,

I've been in deep thought lately. My life is really changing these days. As most of my friends know, Alex and I found some squirrels in our basement walls back in early June. We released them this week and they're doing just fine, sticking close to the back yard, which is really nice. :) I never thought I'd become a wildlife rescuer, ha ha! ;)

Our six pets are also doing really well. All healthy and happy! Though I had to stop the dog walks because there is a very dangerous loose dog near the trails where I used to walk. It attacked Jack a few weeks back and now I just don't feel safe at all. I called the police, they spoke to the owner, but not much else can be done so it's a frustrating situation. This village is a cesspool for irresponsible pet owners, sigh. Breaks my heart for the animals.

But...our home, though a rental, is cozy and comfy.

Food is good, I'm making lots of cheese and starting to preserve what's in season.

The garden is flourishing, my next task is to pick all of those yellow and green beans!

My relationship is on track and we're happy.

My health though...well, I have a few issues. Not just the anxiety that causes me to have difficulties swallowing food and digesting it, but I've developed sciatica in my right leg. The food thing will always be with me, and though I will never EVER get used to it, I accept it.

The sciatica though, NO WAY am I living with that pain for my entire life. It really started in April when I made two road trips to visit houses for sale. The first road trip was 23 hours of driving in a 48 hour period - it was brutal. The second road trip was a 14 hour drive in 24 hours - again really difficult. And they were about 2 weeks apart. I remember driving home from the second trip - in tears and wailing out loud that I felt like I was being tortured.

I dislocated my right knee back in the late 2000's and I was already dealing with chronic joint pain there. The sciatica made it feel like a knife stabbing my knee relentlessly.

Pain killers and Rain don't mix. Besides Tylenol (which doesn't work for this kind of pain), pain killers make me nauseous so I can't really take them - even if I'm desperate. No win situation.

Doctors are all quacks around here - IF you're lucky enough to even see one who cares - 'nuf said. I can't afford physical therapy so I'm basically on my own.

After doing hours and hours of research, I realized that the driving messed me up. Most car seats are "bucket" style seats and they aren't very ergonomically correct for a healthy spine and skeletal system. My sciatica is on my right side, my driving leg side.

When I analyzed my driving posture, my's is horrid, my legs are not parallel to the ground, my legs are so short I have to be right up against the steering wheel, and the head rest is pushed forward, causing me to goose neck out in front. No wonder I'm in pain.

It's gotten to the point where I can't even sit through a movie without shouting out in agony. I realized that nobody is going to help me but MYSELF so I have some big changes to make.

I know that being forced to stop the daily dog walks in the woods have made me less active. I went through a bit of a depression in July and I stopped all of my exercise as well. This all made for a perfect recipe of pain and suffering (oh how dramatic!).

Since I'm the driver of our little family, I need to make sure I don't continue to injure myself. Next spring when we start the house hunt again, I'll be taking many long road trips and I need to be pain-free to do it.

1. I'm looking into cushions, bolts and gadgets to make driving easier with sciatica pain.

2. I'm going to reset my seat in the car so I'm not as close to the steering wheel, and also fix that damn headrest. I have to find a way to adjust the seat so my legs aren't dangling - cutting off my circulation. 

3. I have already found videos on You Tube that show where to massage for the "trigger points" of where my pain seems to be coming from. I can self-massage or Alex will help me with that one.

4. I have found exercises I can do at home to help my healing.

5. I am actually considering joining a gym so I can go 5-6 times a week to exercise properly with good machines and proper weights. If the cost is too much, I have to set up a home gym here which will require buying some equipment.

6. Because doing lots of cardio activity irritates my digestion, I have to ensure a meditation routine twice a day again to make sure I can actually eat the food I cook.

Do I WANT to do all of this? Honestly - NO. It feels like it's taking precious time away from me where I could be in the garden, painting, drawing, loving my pets, cooking and baking and spending time with Alex.

Do I NEED to do all of this? YES.

This got me thinking about needs versus wants. I WANT nice clothes, nice furniture, a big old pick up truck...I WANT an RV...I WANT a big house and an art studio, I WANT to buy lots of hats and some cowboy boots...I WANT to have all the money in my bank account dedicated to cheese making and cooking. I want I want I want...

Chuck Black Painting - One Of My Heroes!

What do I NEED to be happy?

- Love
- Alex
- Our pets
- A forever home (next spring is IT, we decided, do or die, we ARE buying a house)
- A garden
- Nature
- Supportive and loving friends
- A pain-free (as much as possible) life
- Good health
- Enough money to pay our bills and live below our means
- Beauty and creativity in art and my hobbies
- Creativity in the kitchen through baking, preserving and cooking
- Frugality, a simple life
- Quiet and peace - no society, no neighbours, no weekenders, no condo developments

What do I WANT to be happy?


So doesn't that mean I need to do whatever it takes to get what I need and want in life? YES. That means I need a different perspective - the exercise and money I need to spend to help with my body pain is NECESSARY to get what I want. If I keep telling myself this, it will become my truth! If I need to dedicate $150 a month (gym fees and gas money) plus 3-4 hours of my time daily to making myself as healthy and pain-free as possible...why am I resisting? To save a few bucks? To somehow be lazy? Ugh...did life really start going downhill at 50???? If I want to stay active into my 100's (because I plan to live well over 100 years old!!), I need to take care of my aching body NOW.

Or am I making excuses and having a pity party? Well, either way I'm sick of it, so I'm taking action!

Oh my, I had a lot on my mind today! :) When Rain has a THOUGHT, I definitely have a deep one.

What do you need versus what you want? What are you able/willing to do to get it? What have you accepted that you can't have? How do you cope and live your best life despite your challenges? And most importantly, are you grateful for what you have?