Wednesday, January 1, 2020

A New Decade, A New Beginning


Hello my Friends!

We are entering a new decade! Can you remember what you were doing at this time back in 2010? I can! I was revamping myself. I'd just been through the toughest nine years of my life, recovering from burnout. I was battling depression, panic disorder, generalized anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder for so many years. I still deal with those things but overall I have them managed. (I don't believe these mental health disorders are every cured).

Summerside Harbour, PEI (2010)

I took this photo on January 3rd 2010. I was living on Prince Edward Island. I remember this day like it happened yesterday. I was having a severe panic attack and I jumped into my car at seven in the morning. I ran to the beach and jogged along the shore for what seemed like hours. It was probably about 10 minutes. I was only wearing my pajamas. During a panic attack, one doesn't think! I was all alone, the ocean wind was bone chilling. I remember getting down on my knees and shouting out for help as tears fell down my frozen cheeks. As I knelt there, I started to listen to the waves, feel the sand beneath me, feel that biting wind on my face. 

That was when I had my epiphany! Nobody can help me but ME. 

Summerside PEI Sunset (2010)

The sunset that evening was beyond beautiful. I realized that much of the time I suffered was necessary to grieve the abusive upbringing, the betrayals, the deaths and the failures. But I also realized it was enough. I knew that I had to get off my meds, get my life back and move ahead in my healing. Nine years of therapy wasn't doing much; nor was visiting a doctor who basically whipped out the prescription pad. I'd been moving around a lot at that point, but I decided it was time to nest a little bit.

Spencer and Winston

So that spring, I packed my beloved (late) pugs into my car and headed back to the Laurentian mountains to start all over.

My "Therapy" Chair!

I spent a lot of time on this bench near "Big Dear Lake". I thought about forgiveness (what it really means), about how life is so short, about time wasted, regrets...though I spent (spent $$) nine years in therapy, the most significant healing I experienced was sitting on that bench by the lake. The healing that I needed was within me and Nature brought it out. ❤️

The Twins (2011)

I thought about my spirituality. I thought about what makes me feel passionate. I tried new hobbies, I developed a love for photography, I developed a special love for Nature and all critters in the woods and waters. I dabbled in painting and writing and poetry. I'd lost nearly 100 pounds that I'd put on due to the meds I was taking. I was finally feeling so happy, grounded and at peace! I was in great shape physically, mentally and emotionally. It took me so many long years to go from feeling extremely desperate and suicidal to feeling happy in my own skin.

Life wasn't always good, but it is now. If you're going through a hard time, have faith, it WILL get better! Make the choice TODAY to do everything in your power to be HAPPY! And if you're not ready, take your time, but don't make the mistake I did - don't get into a COMFORTABLE RUT. My biggest regret is losing nearly 20 years of my life to negativity, pain and depression. If I'd known better, I wouldn't have wasted all of that time. Pull yourself out! Life is way too short!!

Love you all! xxx